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 PORKIES

*Great Stocking-Filler for adults! 

Sweet and Sour Bites of Life 

 

Slippery Stories, Perplexing Poems and Devious Drawings

 

Drive a Prawn Crackers this Christmas!

Porkies back cover

Some Extracts:

Limerick

There was a young teacher from Staines
Who simply hated the use of canes:
He had other controls
For deviant souls,
Such as plugging them into the mains.

Compute This____________________________________________

It was the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring except father's mouse.
The computer was humming; the icons were hopping,
As father did last-minute Internet shopping.

The stockings were hung by the modem with care
In the hope that St Nicholas would bring new software.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of computer games danced in their heads.

The letters to Santa had been sent out by mom,
To santaclaus@toyshop.northpole.com
Which has now been re-routed to the United States
Because Santa's workshop has been bought by Bill Gates.

Vicarious Daffodils

My sister wandered like a lonely cloud
With corsets, cumb'ring veils and heels
When all at once she had a crowd
Of lucid, tingling new ideas.
Sister dearest, write them down for me,
Alchemy incarnate! - A poet, we!

Grunts

Oink - Oink - Oink -
he glanced down the road
looking for a pig
and was run over
by a veteran car.

   *  *  *

He ate like a hog
pigging his face.
I got boared
and left the swine
to sow my oats with Bill

   *  *  *

There was an old lady who swallowed a sow.
I don't know how
she swallowed a sow
it could have been her big gob.

   *  *  *

This little piggy went to market
This little piggy stayed at home
This little piggy had bread and jam
This little piggy had none
And this little piggy read up on shopaholics,
agoraphobia, obesity and farming subsidies.

Lots more gigglesome poems, plus some unmentionable stories by Terry Sorby, C R Krishnan, Victoria Seymour, Nigel Humphreys Kay Green and Sally Richards.  Illustrations by Kath Keep, Katy J Jones, Wendy Lane and Nikola Temkov

6.50 + 1.50 towards p&p

 

You can also order your copy of Porkies from your local bookshop, or buy direct by sending a cheque made out to Kay Green to Earlyworks Press, The Creative Media Centre, 45 Robertson Street, Hastings Sussex TN34 1HL

 

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